I have never claimed to be “Father of the Year.” I might have assumed that they were just waiting to give me all of the trophies at once, and I chuckle when I see someone wearing a “Father of the Year” shirt thinking…”Maybe once I die, you are.” But in all seriousness, I have never thought that I was the best parent, but never thought I would be out parented (I know parented isn’t a real word, but it should be) by a CLOCK!!!
You see this story actually starts back a long time ago, if you look back in the blog the way I am out parented (that really should be a word) is trying to get the boys to sleep in their own bed. That is why I started the CSP posts (Child Sleeping Positions) They are almost 2 and a half yet they still sleep in our bed. The way it has been going I already pictured this.
We have tried everything, punishment, reward, sleeping in their room, it doesn’t matter… Nothing works. I already faced defeat and started of looking on the bright side by thinking stuff like “at least they won’t be able to sneak out as teenagers because I will feel them coming back into bed” (Wow this blog is kinda taking an uncomfortable twist, but stay with me, I am almost to the point.) So my wife went online looking for answers and came across a clock. Like every decision, she wanted to make this decision together so she sent me the link at work for my approval. What I saw was a “Flavor Flav” looking clock with reviews around it.
REALLY!!!! Changed your life??? How can a stupid clock change your life? Then I look at the price… 60 dollars. And that’s just the plain clock, you can order attachments and different face designs for more money. Me being at work, didn’t have that much time, I trust my wife, so I told her go ahead and order it. (Worst case, I could use it as a prop and go as Flavor Flav for Halloween.)
So it got here Thursday night. When the wife took it out of the box it looked really intimidating. The front looked like a regular clock, but the back… reminded me of a doomsday device.
It was so close to bedtime we decided to use it Friday. Once we read the directions, my opinion of it working went even further to the “never gonna work theory” It was too simple. This is how the system works.
When it’s time for them to sleep…the clock turns blue… when it’s time to wake up…the clock turns yellow and plays one verse of “happy and you know it”… THAT’S IT!!!!! (At least for the sleeping function) THAT’S WHAT I JUST PAYED 60 DOLLARS FOR… NEVER GONNA WORK!!! If your child wakes up early and comes to sleep with you…you are supposed to say “What color is the clock…It’s blue… You have to go back to bed until its yellow” HAHAHAHAH REALLY!!!! THAT IS NOT GOING TO WORK!!!!
I was actually getting excited to try this because it was going to fail so bad… and then I would get to call back the company and yell at them for being idiots.
Friday night, 7pm, tucked the boys into bed, it took everything I had not to laugh when I heard my wife tell them “Now you can’t wake up until its yellow” HAHAHAHAH OK!!!!
(Full disclosure, I am telling the rest of the story on Brandis only, I don’t take Greyson into consideration since he is scared of the clock and if he sees it he will cry. Plus Brandis was the worst offender before we got the clock.)
So there I was… Friday night, couldn’t sleep because I was thinking what avenue I was going to use to approach customer service (start out yelling, sarcasm, act like a victim of their scam to get a refund) and that’s when I noticed…hmmmm it’s after 9…why haven’t I seen or heard Brandis? Hmmm… he must be tired, there is no way it worked…or did it, Now I couldn’t sleep because any little noise I heard I prepared to jump on the bed with a party hat, wake up the wife, and do my “I told you so dance.” All of a sudden around midnight, the usual “party started” lots of screams of “Dad!!! DADDY!!! DAD!!!” a little munchkin dressed as a crying Captain American stepped inches from the bed in which the wife woke up and said “The clock is blue, you have to go to bed until the clock is yellow.” He then turned around, ran to his bed…this happened like 2 more times, the last time was around 2 ish AND THAT IS THE LAST WE HEARD FROM HIM ALL NIGHT!!!!!
I have no idea how it worked…I really thought I was being punked…So Saturday came around, bedtime…. No crying, around midnight, came in….. the wife said the magic words…then POOF!!! Never saw him the rest of the night. At 530am Greyson cried, so my wife went to their room and that’s when I also came in to see Brandis…AWAKE!!! NOT CRYING!!! Just watching the clock. When asked what he was doing… “Clock Blue…Sleep” he was actually just waiting for the clock to tell him he could wake up. If that’s not proof enough…Last night, a little crying before midnight, and that was all.
This makes me ask…Is a clock a better parent then I am??? And if the clock can “make” him sleep what else can it “make” him do?
As long as he sleeps all night, I think I am ok with that.
