Preseason football is just like going to high school

So I can’t believe that preseason football is almost over and I haven’t even had a football post yet this year.

Usually preseason is the best time to be a Seahawks fan, because you can pretend that “this is our year,” however this year (and this might just be the “preseason” talking) but this actually is our year. (ask me again in about 6 weeks.)

I love this time of year, everyone still has hopes and dreams, and everyone is still a Superbowl contender. It’s great; however I have realized that Preseason is a lot like High School

This year the NFL has a new uniform maker (Nike) so just like the first day of school, I was excited to see what all the “Cool” kids were wearing this year.

Then you have all the drama of who is dating who, or as I see it “Free Agency.”

Then like the beginning of the school year…you have to pick your “Homecoming King.” For football fans, unless you have a solid quarterback…that is what selecting QB 1 is like.

Luckily all the drama is almost over, and the real season starts next week. Now… if we can just do something with these substitute teachers…I mean replacement referees.

They Took My Wisdom Teeth, Then I Did Something Stupid (Go Figure)

WARNING!!! I just want to start off by letting you know that I  started writing this at 3A.M. so this post is brought to you courtesy of a very long day, and Oxycodone.

So most people when I mentioned getting my wisdom teeth pulled, all of sudden made the sound of air gushing out of a tire accompanied by the "I might of just killed your pet goldfish look." (for you that don't know that look, it's when someone has to tell you something bad "I killed your pet" but I don't know if it's all that bad since it's just a goldfish.) But from my experience, there wasn't much pain, just a lot of weirdness.

To start off, my dentist even told me that there was nothing "really" wrong with my wisdom teeth, but since I am getting older, and it's more complicated and riskier to take them out the older you get, they just wanted to take them out to be safe.  So in my mind the conversation went like this...

So even though I am the embodiment of MAN-liness, I am not afraid to say that I was really freaked out when I sat down in the chair.  I already hate dentists, now pair that with the fact that  I have never been "put to sleep" before. 

So I think the doctor notice this and tried to calm me down by asking me what kind of music I want to listen to.  Me being oh so wise (since they didn't steal my wisdom yet) thought 1. I am going to be asleep in a few minutes so I don't care. 2. I didn't want to pick anything that the people ripping body parts out of me while I am unconscious might not like so I said "whatever you like." This sent Him squealing like a little school girl when he said...

So they asked me a few more question and then it was time.

For you that have never "went under" before, without exaggerating, it went just like this.

Dr- Are you ready to go to sleep?
Me- Yeeeaah
Nurse- You have to get up your wife is waiting for you.

For most people that is when the story would finish...NOT THIS GUY!!!! That's when it gets fun.

So evidently when I am "drugged up" I turn into Dori the memory losing fish from "finding nemo." (I know a Disney reference, maybe the doctors music choice secretly got to me me?) I don't remember much of what happened but I was told that like usual, I was very worried about my workplace getting my proper paperwork so it started at the hospital.  According to my wife, it went like this...

But don't feel bad for her, because I guess in this state I also became a Hugger. Because evidently I wanted to make sure I gave the nurse a hug.

So I also found out that my wisdom teeth were actually holding back my true super power, because evidently in my "drug induced state" people just let me do whatever I want. Starting with the ride home.

What my wife should have done is strap me into the car and drive me home, what I convinced her to do, is let me go to the smoothie place a block away from my office, and talk to people in my company...which I have no idea what I said, but I will probably find out Monday when I am back at work.

Some how I then convinced her to let me turn in my paperwork to my office (I think my wife just figured that since I bugged the doctor so much for it, I might as well just turn it in.)

So that's when I decided it was a GREAT IDEA to make copies of my paperwork by going into the "Command Group" and pass by all the really important peoples office, to use their copier.

Luckily I had one of my Soldiers see me, and without hesitation grab me and my paperwork, and very effectively get me out of there into my office (thank you so much Spc. Dusterhoft.)  But somehow I also managed to have her let me somehow talk to my Sergeant Major, and accept a work task, where I somehow not only managed to log on to my government computer, but then log on to a password protected website, where I FIXED A GRAMMAR MISTAKE ON A NEWS STORY!!!!

However, I can not wait to find out all the stuff that happened since I can not remember hardly anything.

So overall, not a bad experience, but my advice to you is just stay away from work and go home and sleep.

I could have been a contender (2012 Olympics)

So with the Summer Olympics being two days from being over, I decided why not do a post about it.  Mostly since the Summer Olympics are every four years, and I probably won’t still be writing on the blog by then, so this might be my first and last Olympic blog post (tears stream down my face.)

So I decided to post about the 3 events rated from worst to best using the Olympic standard rating system (actually 4 because I can’t help myself) that either I want to medal in, or I feel I could medal in.

Honorable Mention: Group Rhythmic Gymnastics

So did you know that there is an Olympic event that is practically part of a “Cirque du Soleil” show?

Imagine 5 people spinning ribbons, juggling basketballs and rings, while adding in a little dance and ballet.

So I put this as honorable mention since they only have it for women, so I can’t even pretend to be able to compete or medal in this event, or else it would be like the old SNL spoof with Martin Short and his friend trying to be male synchronized swimmers.

Bronze Medal: Trampoline

So this goes in the category of “yup…I could do that.”

Pretty much we are handing out medals for what we used to do on a summer night at the rich kids house.

Silver Medal: Badminton

So another “yup… I could do that.”

Mostly it just barely edged out trampoline and mostly because I respect the sport just a little more because it’s so hard to spell.

But yes, this is the same sport that all of us that went to public school had to play at P.E.

The funny thing is you would think we would be good at this since we have been secretly training every American since grade school P.E., but the American’s did not even win one badminton medal this year.

Gold : 10 KM Marathon Swimming

Oh yeah you read that right. 10 Kilometers worth of swimming. For you that only speak “Ah-mur-I-cun” (American) measurements, that is  6.213712 miles…of SWIMMING.

By far, not a medal I think I can win, but would be awesome to brag about.

Most people can’t watch a 10K on T.V. let alone RUN one, let alone SWIM it. So it earns my “little known but AWESOME” Olympic sport this year. I guess that is all for at least two years (if I am still blogging at that point) where I will talk about how easily I could be an Olympic Curler.

Raising Nerdy Non-Violent Children (How to teach kids not to hit)

So it has been almost a year since my last post on this blog, I have not totally given up, but I do have a new group blog that I contribute to (SHAMELESS PLUG) http://gluttonsgamersandgeeks.blogspot.com/

But I am going to try to post on this blog every now and then. And sometimes if the posts fit, I will put a variation of the post on both sites.  Anyway….

So raising two man-ly boys is a difficult task.  In fact, sometimes the house erupts from man-liness so much, that we have to tone it down a bit by watching stuff like “Team USA female Olympics,” (any team that has someone named the “flying squirrel” can’t be that bad.)  But another difficulty is trying to hinder their inner alpha male, especially when it comes to fighting.

Don’t get me wrong, I WILL (if my wife lets me) teach my kids how to fight when they get older, but right now they are at the age where they don’t know when not to hit.

So the way we get our boys not to hit (and mostly it was my wife who did this…and she says she is not a nerd) is by teaching them alternates to hitting. You can’t just tell them not to fight because especially man-ly boys like mine are going to fight. So my wife discovered something awesome. For us there are two huge hero’s of the boys, who actually usually do not touch their opponents when they fight.

The shooting invisible webs is a great technique and all, but their favorite now is… IRON MAN and his (depending on what book you are reading) plasma bolts, or repulsor beam.

So for right now, anytime they are going to fight, we have them shoot beams and webs. Problem solved, less blood and bruises, I just hope they don’t get bullied anytime soon or else I might get called to school because my son got beat up, and is also really sad because his “Webs” didn’t work.