Like most of my posts, this is a lesson. But this time the lesson is not to new parents or single people…This one is to the Wives and Girlfriends out there.
It might be my Military lifestyle, or the fact that I was a basic training “Drill Sergeant” for two years, but I like to consider myself as a “Manly Man.” Yes I know this is the same person that has cookie monster PJ’s and an extensive knowledge of musicals and comic books, but you know…an extensive knowledge in a Manly way.
I don’t understand Men’s fashion, or why you need anything more than jeans, a t-shirt, and some comfortable pajama bottoms. I will never have the need to wear jewelry (except for my wedding ring) or a “Man Purse” (No the diaper bag doesn’t count.) In my mind there is only a few times to worry about fashion. Funerals and Weddings (probably wear a tie) Work (Wear my uniform) and most important…FOOTBALL SEASON.
Most females like my wife, do not understand the importance of wearing Football Jerseys the day of a game. Yes I know I am not on the team (in fact I haven’t played football since middle school), Yes I know that I am watching the game by myself at the house (I am not alone if I force the boys to suit up and watch with me) but it’s the whole “TEAM” pride of “Your” Team. Wearing a jersey makes you feel like you are more than just a spectator. Now I know with that logic I am practically saying “Go get a bad spray tan to watch Jersey Shore and you will be more than a spectator.” NOOOO this is FOOTBALL it is different.
So with the new season starting, I have to get my wardrobe ready. Most years it’s ok to have the same Jersey, but this year the jersey I wore last year, the player got traded. The Jerseys my boys have…the players got traded, so we all need new jerseys. Here is the lesson “WIVES PAY ATTENTION…I am about to lose you with “MAN” logic”
If the player was a superstar, and RETIRES….then it is ok to wear the jersey (just paying homage to a great.) However…if the player leaves the team and is still playing for another team….That is a slap in the face (or in less manly terms a fashion NO NO.) For the true fans, this is how we tell fans, from the people trying to be cool. If we see a guy wearing a Kevin Kolb Eagles Jersey even though he now plays for Arizona, we know to not even try to talk football with him.
Now that you know the lesson, a little background, and enough knowledge to be dangerous…DON’T USE THIS AGAINST YOUR HUSBAND! OR BOYFRIEND!!!
My wife (who I love even more today than the day we got married if that’s possible) loves to poke me (the bear) with a stick every now and then.
Over the years she has found it difficult to get a rise out of me…until she realized my love of not just football…but the Seattle Seahawks (I know the Seahawks usually suck but as a good fan I always say “But this is their year.”)
So when the boys were born she approached me with the idea of not buying them any “team” stuff but if we get it from our family, it’s ok. OOOOH did she get me with this (did you see how that was worded…her wheels are always turning.)
So last year, the day of the first pre-season game,( I haven’t told any of my family about the arrangement,) I am at work and she sends me this text message...
For everyone that thinks that was “Nice” of her…1. She knows that I hate the patriots ( the first rule of being a true football team fan is hate every team that is better than your team…for the Seahawks…that’s almost everybody.) And 2. She is not a Patriots fan…I know this because of the simple “Fan” test… If someone says they are a fan ask them to name 3 people on the team…If they can’t (and saying "Ummm there is Gizelles husband Tom...and those two guys that catch the ball" does not count) they are not a true fan…if you ask them to name 3, and they name more than 12...they are worthy to talk football with.
So the moral of the lesson…if you can’t use this knowledge for good, and you are going to use this knowledge to torture your husband or boyfriend, just forget everything you just read.
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