Tea is my Kryptonite

As much as it hurts for most men to admit it, even the Strongest, Bravest, Manly-est, of men have a weakness.  Achilles had his heel, Superman has Kryptonite, and President Bush had the trouble with his pronunciation of the word “Nuclear.” 

This weekend I found out that my weak spot is the warm beverage that most people call Tea. Now I am not saying that I am addicted to it, or I crave it.  Tea physically makes me weak.  (NERD ALERT, NERD ALERT, some geeky knowledge is about to be released) For you non-comic book geeks, everyone thinks Kryptonite makes Superman weak…that is not the case. Only green kryptonite makes him weak, depending on what Superman Mythology you follow the other colors affect him differently (example: Red makes him kinda evil) Just like Superman, not all tea makes me weak, only “Relaxing Tea” (No this is not a drug, I just don’t know what the actual name is so I call it “Relaxing Tea.”) "Relaxing Tea" turns me back into my “High School Self” (5’1, 75lbs of scrawny white guy.)

You are probably just like my wife, and you don’t know how this is possible, so let me explain.  On a regular basis, my white blood cells are just like me.  They have endured an 11 year military service, deployment, Drill Sergeant Time, and so on.  On a regular basis, my white blood cells are like this….

Now this weekend my lovely wife, decided since I was stressing out (which is a usual state for me even on the weekend) that she would make me a glass of “Relaxing Tea.” After a few minutes it was doing what it is supposed to do and I felt a wave of relaxation rush over my body…However, a few minutes later…The cold I have been fighting all week, noticed that this was the perfect time to attack.  In my mind…This is why… 

Needless to say…I will not have any more tea any time soon…in fact I now will have to purposely lose some sleep, and eat a lot of Pizza rolls to get my “Rage Filled White Blood Cells” back up to fighting shape.